Saturday, October 25, 2014

Fixing Us, Part 3- Let's Get Ready To Rumble!

Marriage Myth: Married life is an unhappy life.  The truth is that most marriages last.  Married people have more money, are happier, have better sex and live longer than single people.  (here is the link to the positive statistics mentioned, click here)

This week we are challenging every married couple in our church to go on a date each week.  Join us as work together to begin, "fixing us!"

Date Night By Design (click here*courtesy of  
The 11th commandment of a happy marriage should be, "thou shalt date your spouse."  

Counseling- Going to church is easier than going to a counselor but it's totally fine if you still need to see a counselor!  If that's you, email and we will send you some referral options for your area.

(watch this message online now! click here)

"Homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding."  Proverbs 24:3 

“For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.”  James 3:16 (NLT)

Fights Within A Marriage Relationship Occur When There Are:
     -Unmet need
     -Unfulfilled expectations
     -Unresolved conflict 
     -Undeveloped self-worth

“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don't they come from the evil desires at war within you?”  James 4:1 (NLT)

Key Thought- We fight when marriage becomes about “me” instead of “we.” 
“My lover is mine and I am his...”.  Song 2:16
"A man should fulfill his duty as a husband and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other's needs.”  I Cor. 7:3 (GN)

Dr. Willard Harley, in his book called "His Needs, Her Needs," identified through thousands of couples what causes failure within marriage.  When we fail to understand and meet one another's needs, unhappiness, affairs and divorce are more likely.  The following are the top 5 needs for men and women according to Harley.

The top five needs of most men are:
1.  Sexual fulfillment   
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration

The top five needs of most women are: 
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment


"If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand." Mark 3:25
You are on the same team.  You are not enemies.  Treat one another like best friends and you will be.

Key Thought- We Have A Tendency To Judge Our Spouse By His Or Her Actions And Ourselves By Our Intentions.  Begin To Close The Gap Between Intentions And Actions To Fight For A Happier Marriage.

  • When You Think Something Good, SAY IT.   
“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:13

Key Thought- Pursue her with words of affection. Pursue him with words of affirmation. 

  •  When You Think Something Special, DO IT. 

“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.” James 4:17

Put into practice The Five Love Languages that were discussed last week. Choose to love them the way that they like to be loved today.  We give & receive love in the following ways: Acts of kindness, Words of affirmation, Physical touch, Gifts, Quality time.  Make the change!

  •  When You Want Something Different, BE IT.  

“Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”  Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Key Thought- To get what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done.  To get what you once had, you must do what you once did. (*see Revelation 2:5)


  •  Choose To Act And Not React.    

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21

  •  Choose To Focus On The Good And Not The Bad.   

“…whatever is pure…lovely…admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

"We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are." ANAïS NIN

  • Choose To Talk And Not Walk. 

"Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."  Ephesians 4:26-27

Dr. Phil writes in his bestselling book, Relationship Rescue:  "… an interesting statistic shared by David McLaughlin in his wonderful series entitled The Role of the Man in the Family reflects that the divorce rate in America is at a minimum one out of two marriages. But the reported divorce rate among couples that pray together is about one in ten thousand. Pretty impressive statistic, even if you reduce it a thousandfold."  

Final Thought-  Pray for each other, pray over each other, pray with each other.  Prayer produces intimacy.  Prayer gives you the power that you need to love. 

“Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”  1 Peter 4:8 (NLT)